Identity in "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" acts to separate Connie from her family emotionally and then physically as Arnold Friend misrepresents his own identity to her. Connie's first steps into adulthood are clearly taking her further from her family so that she can construct her own, separate identity through both time and a variety of experiences. Her encounter with Arnold Friend, however, serves to show that Connie is not an adult yet while, at the same time, propelling her to a new stage of her life.
Connie hasn't yet formed a fully adult identity. She's still standing between two worlds; at home, she's stuck in childhood; with her friends, she's taking the first steps into building her own separate identity. Oates writes:
Everything about her had two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home: her walk, which could be childlike and bobbing, or languid enough to make anyone think she was hearing music in her head; her mouth, which was pale and smirking most of the time, but bright and pink on these evenings out; her laugh, which was cynical and drawling at home—"Ha, ha, very funny,"—but highpitched and nervous anywhere else, like the jingling of the charms on her bracelet.
Because she's not yet a woman but in the process of becoming one, Connie isn't entirely sure who she is. She changes her identity based on her location, choosing the one that best fits the persona she wants to display.
Connie and her friends go out into the world to experience life -- hoping to live their own "trashy daydreams" that occupy their minds. They yearn for the excitement of romance but lack an understanding of the dangers and responsibilities that come with it. Her parents disapprove of her daydreams. Of course, romance and excitement are things for which many young girls long, but her straightlaced parents are unable to understand Connie. They see her as lacking compared to her older sister, June, whose identity is more in line with what her parents expect.
Connie's search for identity causes her to deceive her mother about the person she is. She thinks of how she responds to her mother's inquiries about other girls and classifies her mother as simple since she's able to get away with lying. Oates writes that "she always drew thick clear lines between herself and such girls, and her mother was simple and kind enough to believe it. Her mother was so simple, Connie thought, that it was maybe cruel to fool her so much."
When Connie is out one night, a man notices her; Arnold Friend says, "Gonna get you, baby." She takes very little notice of him. Their next encounter shows that Connie's burgeoning adult identity is something more akin to a costume; she's mimicking the behaviors of an adult but doesn't yet have the logic or coping abilities of one.
Arnold seems to recognize Connie's self-constructed adult identity rather than the childhood identity she still maintains in many ways. He names off her close friends and suggests that her hesitation to ride with him is based on concern for her hair. Though she knows she should be wary of him, she doesn't close the door in his face or send him away at first. They engage in a conversation where she says that he doesn't know who she is and he insists that he does. When she does send him away, he refuses.
Arnold's identity also plays a major role in the story. He repeatedly asks whether Connie knows who he is and casts himself in the role of her lover. But there's something constructed about him. He lies about his age, his shoes don't fit, and his expressions are out of date. Recognizing that his identity is constructed and fractured warns Connie that something is amiss. Ultimately, though, she's still young and concerned for her family because of his threats, so she opens the door to go to him.
Identity in adolescence must be constructed through both time and experience. Connie, like many young people, has to step away from her family to become her own person -- an adult person. She separates herself from her family in her mind, seeing her parents as soft and weak and her sister as dull. She also separates herself from them in her life, spending time with friends and refusing to go to the barbecue.
Connie needs that time to develop an idea of herself as an adult separate from her family. It gives her space to have experiences with her friends that belong only to her -- not to her family. It's part of the process of developing an identity as she changes from a girl into a woman. By the end of the story, Connie is still a girl and not an adult -- but she's walking out of her childhood home and being forced into what is likely a darker world of adult sexuality when she leaves with Arnold.
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